


Waterfall

by Eluvian



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4630494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eluvian/pseuds/Eluvian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts1KestQL9s</p><p>and after :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waterfall

Jack is sitting in his office. Silence. Silence all around and thoughts storming violently through his head. He tries to concentrate on the papers on the desk but it’s hard when he just sent somebody back to die.

Here again. Over and over. He has been wondering some time ago: why him? Why does it have to be him to bear the burden of all those lives, all those fates? But the question is irrelevant. Because he is the only one to do it. Maybe that’s why he understands the Doctor so much. They are alike. They have lived long, made decisions about people which perhaps shouldn’t have been their decisions, but there was nobody else to make them. Every choice is a hard one.

And here he is, philosophizing about things that cannot be changed. He swoops another paper away. Statistics, reports, numbers which say nothing at the moment. He doesn’t look tired – he never does – but he is. Maybe it’s time to...

Somebody’s walking towards him from behind. He doesn’t have to turn around to find out who he is. He’s lived here long enough to recognise anyone from their steps. This kind of perception was actually the kind he acquired at about the age of 8, but it can always be improved.

’This time tomorrow he’ll be back in 1918.’ Tommy. A nice boy, you would think. A naive, handsome, young boy who is now a hero. He and Tosh were close, anyone could notice, which just adds more bitterness to the fact that the mission eventually succeeded. The team succeeded in saving the world, restoring order. That’s what they are doing, after all. They have learned what sacrifices are because they were happening with them. That’s the only way you can feel them as they really are. When they happen with their family, friends, colleagues. Or even themselves. Jack knows it well. He has sacrificed so many lives he’s even lost counting. He doesn’t want to think about it, but he remembers every time it happens again. And it’s not the worst. The worst is that he cannot tell anybody. _Ianto, there are so many things you don’t know about me_ , Jack thinks. _You think you know me, but you don’t. But you still came here. Are there things I don’t know about you, I wonder. There must be. There always are. Maybe we could find out..._

He stops himself thinking because he knows if he keeps imagining things they will go too wild. He knows himself very well. Even now when he hears Ianto speaking, he feels something strange. Surprisingly it isn’t his body that reacts, but his soul. He suddenly feels an urgent need to speak, to tell him everything, things that are too horrific to be said, deeds that lie left forgotten in that old mind of his. He wants to tell them all.

But it isn’t so easy to speak his mind. He’s never done it. Tried many times, but always stopped. He wasn’t brave enough, as if he was to commit suicide and jump off a high building but always stopping at the edge. That, he could do in practice, since resurrection awaited him after every jump. But to talk. Now that wasn’t easy.

’In his own time,’ Ianto says, walking closer. ’Would you go back to yours? If you could?’

’Why? Would you miss me?’, Jack asks superficially without thinking, in that deep charming voice he always does, with a half grin. He lets go of those damned papers on the desk, but still doesn’t turn around.

’Yep.’ Ianto says immediately. His honesty’s always surprising. Except on some occasions... but exceptions proved the rules.

 _What did you think when I was dead?_ _When you thought I will never wake up?_ Egoistic thoughts.

’I left home a long time ago.’ A few centuries pass over his mind. He tries not to think about his home but he couldn’t help it. Childhood memories come back. He and his brother by the sea... he can almost hear the waves touching the sand. He can almost feel the hot summer sun on his skin. He’s never gonna forget the blueness of the water. Like Ianto’s eyes. Now he wants to look into them, but something makes him stop. ’I don’t know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn’t really matter anymore.’

’I– know you get lonely.’ Ianto is sitting on the edge of his desk now. His closeness moves something in Jack, something growing inside him, like a beast which wants to be set free.

’I’ve seen things I never dreamt I’d see.’ The image of the firebird comes to his mind. After one sees that, he never forgets. Shining brighter than any star... ’Loved people I never would’ve known,’ he continues, after a moment of hesitation ’if I– stayed where I was.’ His hands move as he explains. Then he looks up, but Ianto’s eyes are fixed on the documents on the desk. What could be so exciting about them?... Finally, Ianto looks up, and their eyes meet. Yes. Yes, I mean it, Ianto. I know you know what I mean. The Welshman’s eyes are really as beautiful as he remembered. ’And I wouldn’t change that for the world.’

Ianto kisses him so deeply he couldn’t imagine he was capable of. I need you, said his every motion, every touch, every breath.

He smashes Ianto to the wall, harsh, strong, careless and brushes their mouths together. He’s not kind now, he’s passionate, he takes what he wants. But also gives what Ianto wants. What Ianto needs... Ianto’s whole body is tense , excited, longing for something he couldn’t really imagine until now but was so very eager to discover. Jack is holding him in his arms. Their tongues dance for minutes which feel as if they are frozen in a time lock and could do this for eternity without feeling the need to breathe or to do anything else in particular.

Jack discovers Ianto’s whole body through his clothes before starting to take them off. Somehow they manage to go to the bedroom. Ianto helped Jack so many times with his coat that he was acquainted with it enough to be able to take it off. The majestic greatcoat falls onto the ground and is left there in complete disarray because this time even Ianto, the embodiment of precision and order, doesn’t take care of it since he is engaged in doing something completely else.

The darkness which in other nights, when he was alone, felt heavy as if closing around his heart and lungs and not letting him breathe, now feels good and safe. He is hidden. Unseen. Not as if the things they are doing were of shame, but because they are needed to be felt, not seen. He doesn’t feel shame, not even a little bit, which surprises even him. At the beginning, he had doubts. There was a moment where he wanted to stop and considered turning back. It was only a spark, a shard of a moment in time. Jack’s one simple touch was enough to make it vanish and fall into pieces. Ianto closes his eyes, lets himself fall into the welcoming darkness – and Harkness – and doesn’t resist. He lets the flow of the river take him. And after a little while, he swims with it, chasing its pace. Although, he doesn’t stand much chance. The river has learned far back how to flow and Ianto... he has never been in this kind of water before. But he likes it. He loves it, now more than anything in this world.

After reaching the waterfall, he is calm. More than calm. Satisfied. It is an unusual feeling, he doesn’t remember feeling this before. Just lying, breathing fast, than slower and slower when the oxigen’s finally enough. Memories of the last few... minutes? Hours? Years?... bursting through him. Remembering, he could gather them all in one instant. And the next instant. And the next. Every instant, from now on. Living in that sweet satisfaction over and over again. Soft, warm, no, blazing hot touches all over his body. Snuggling closer. Like a child. Seeking shelter. The shelter, two hands, close around him. Feeling warm. Feeling safe. Feeling not alone. Cared for. Appreciated. Loved. So comfortable he could just fall asleep like this.

Except... he couldn’t. Sleeping would mean losing this feeling and sinking into unconscious nothingness. Maybe it would continue in his dreams. But not for sure . He can’t risk losing this moment. He wants to just stay like this. For how long? Forever. Damn, yes, forever. Or at least a few more minutes. A few more.

He is listening to Jack’s heartbeat. Much faster than usual. Is he sleeping? Is he dreaming? Is he dreaming about him?

’Are you asleep, Ianto?’ A whisper. No louder than a hint of wind, could be just the game of his imagination.

’No.’

’You can’t sleep?’

’No-’

’Something troubles you?’

There is so much care and concern in his voice that Ianto’s heart hurts for he has to say ’No.’

’Should I shut up?’

’No!’ Ianto is smiling, and he hears Jack smile too. He does not remember how long ago did he feel this happy.

’You like listening to my voice than?’ The flirting, again... How could this be a question? Even now, Jack’s voice is so irresistible. Hoarse a bit. Is it desire, or just the fact that he was/is trying to sleep?

’You realize that just now?’

’Hm. No.’ It’s Jack’s turn for no-s.

’I can’t sleep,’ Ianto starts ’because it would end. Do you understand?

’It...’ Jack leans close and kisses his forehead, stroking his shoulder with one hand. Ianto just melts under his touch, completely loses his control over himself. ’It wouldn’t necessarily end.’ Jack’s deep voice is full of promises and concern. Ianto’s heartbeat fastens as some warm feeling spreads through his soul and body. ’Am I right that there is a glad smile on your face?’ Jack asks. ’I can’t see very well.’

’Then feel.’

’Hm. Not a bad idea.’ Jack runs his fingers through Ianto’s hair while his other hand touches his face, making his smile go even wider. It’s strange to let someone else touch him. He should feel defenseless, he knows, but it’s just the opposite. It’s only now that he notices Jack towering over him, his body heat radiating, his heart pulsing with life, never completely ending life, Ianto can hear it pounding in his chest, and he knows that Jack’s eyes are wandering on his body with that desirable predatory look, but he cannot see anything because it’s too dark, so he finally decides to use another sense, namely touching.

Jack kisses Ianto on the lips and then on his neck, then he uses his teeth as well, it will surely be visible later, but who cares? Ianto’s nails did not seem to be so sharp and long but now they deepen into Jack’s skin on his back with surprising vehemence. Ianto wraps his legs around Jack’s hips and his other hand brushes into Jack’s hair.

He wants to say something... anything, about how wonderful he is feeling right now, but the only thing he can manage is Jack’s name. It seems that it’s enough.


End file.
